i wonder if i should continue the story i was writing. it's not even a story really. i dun even know why i started to write it. the one entitled night? yeah, i dun even know where the story's going, i dun even know what's it about, i dun even know what i want the story to be, and i'm getting scared of the compo that i have to do for english. any compo. i think ms heng might have greater expectations of me now. i asked her yesterday on why she gave me that particular grade for my english compo.

and she said that she'll still gimme the same grade, as i've got good description, story has a good twist, good piece of narrative writing. so now i'm thinking. how? what if i cant do the same thing as i did before? what if i've lost my inspiration? what if i dun even know the cause of my inspiration? and why do i have so many what ifs? and then i'm confused. if the title was destiny, what would i write?

destiny

some say a person's fate was written in the stars, some say that each person holds their fate in their own hands. he wanted nothing to do with fate, nothing to do with his destiny. he did not even wish to know. yet, the truth of the matter continued to haunt him, day and night, even in his dreams, bringing him no peace, no rest.

his dreams forecasted a grim reality, a future of chaos and destruction. he would be free of his obligations after the deed was done, but was he willing to live with what he had done? his conscience would never allow him to commit such an act. but what choice did he have? suffer and hide forever? no, with grim determination set in his features, damon made his choice. and that very choice sealed the fate of his best friend, stefan.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAND, i'll continue this another day when i finally decide the choice poor damon had to make. see, i can start something even before i know the ending. but is it good? not sure. i think it is. there's suspense, probably because the author herself doesn't know how it'll end! ppl who read it, do me a favour and write in my gb to say if it's good or not. thanks

tupid tupid tupid... lost the S somewhere... heeheex. oyyyyyyy... i think i need to calm down... heexheex... and tupid me... feeling hyperrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... the fact that i'll be going for WOMAD could be something to do with that fact. and of course watching tom cruise and brad pitt in interview with the vampire could be something too... and then there was the staring at the X poster... and then... the eating of chocolate... woohoooooo...

ok, i'm calming down soon, coming down from the cloud of euphoria, funny, it's a straight descent into utter depression status. i've managed to make myself high on something to totally depressed. in just a few mere minutes. hellllloooooooo... something wrong with me. that's a speed record.

no one cept me is home, cheryl went to orchard to do her cip, my dad dunno go where for what, teaching? and then my mum went to orchard too to shop. and they left me here all by my lonesome. i'm bored. so bored. so sad too... i also dunno why. feel like collasping in exhaustion. also dunno why. everything is making me tired. and i'm making myself more and more depressed. tupid.

should i leave early for WOMAD? too bad there's like no comic connections near there... feel like looking for another X poster. i spent the time before sleeping, instead of reading, arranging the stuff in my room, and then i looked at the four walls... and it was full. like there weren't any space for me to put the X poster. so i was thinking, should i paste it on the wall? then i realised that i had better not do that in case i want to take it out and i cant, (might leave a mark on the wall, the peach paint might come out)...

so no space! then i decided to take out the pictures on the 3 closet doors... 2 were saiyuki ones and the other one was my last year ppr records. dun ask me why i didn't get rid of it until yesterday. so removed that and one of the saiyuki pics. then i transferred my 2 "words of wisdom" (sayings and stuff, like what is success and the value of time) pieces of paper from the bathroom door to the closet door. er, get it? (my toilet has 2 doors. ) and then i pasted the X poster on the toilet door. u wouldn;t even know it was a door to the toilet unless u opened it. haha... and then i spent most of the morning staring at fuuma's face. fun!

teachers day celebration today, so there was the usual giving of presents to the guiders... but let's just see, today was somewhat different from other years. ms gwee let us eat the edible stuff that she got. including oriole patrol's totally incredibly and sinful cheesecake. am not kidding. it's like heaven. it was really fun too... the whole sharing with the people who were there, though there weren't many. didn't know that samantha and chun jia could cook so well...

nette's birthday-- gave her this cute yellow duck that she calls beijing. know why? something like the peking duck. -.-;; and sonya gave her this bendy flower that had a little bee on it. nette names it hua mulan. and then peggy said the bee was mushu.... cornified...

then... on the way home, met mabel. still remember her? she was from the orange batch and she goes to NJ, same as yanni. it was really great talking to her, and i got the feeling the people from the orange batch actually missed guides more than we thought they did. mabel still remembers most of the people and she's one of the few people, (besides the people in my patrol), that still post christmas cards to people in a cca she's graduated from.

Night

the night is beautiful, for it does many things. while the night may be feared, it should also be praised for it's ability to guide with the light of the moon and stars, and to shield those that need to hide. it is great and terrible, a blessing and a curse.

A dark clothed figure perched upon the rooftop of a building, the night cloaking with its powers of invisibility. The figure would have never been shaped as a human, if the wind hadn't started to whip around them. Even with the wind and lightly lit moon, it was still hard to tell if the person was real. The person could merely be a shadow, haunting and darkly beautiful; a dark angel, if you will.


Fate

standing at the edge of the world
seeing, the human race so cruel
a city haunted by destiny
a city that's lost its serenity
seven stars twinkling brightly
in a place fraught with tradegy

seven dragons of heaven
with one aim in mind
to protect earth and all its kind
seven dragons of the earth
similar yet not the same
to bring about the earth's rebirth

some say it was fate
so near yet far too late
the pieces in motion
each person a choice they had to make.
-end
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH....

killlllllllllllllllll meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

why am i doing this to myself? writing these horrible, utterly terrible cheesy poems!!!!

nothing that i should be doing right now but i guess i wanted to write something? not very good, suffering a brain juice blockage from all the medicine i took just now.
caution: shouldn't be read by people who dun read X.
caution 2: shouldn't be read by people who read X. i'll be murdered.

Kamui's thoughts on Fuuma

i'm sorry, i really am...
hold you close and be near your hand
yet it something i cannot do
because of how much i owe you

i've chosen my path
feared not your wrath
i've awakened your destiny
all coz i wished i was free

learned the hard way
no matter what others say
my "twin star", my brother
my friend
even thru my fears
blood, sweat and tears
i'll always be around you.

my blood will spill around your blade
fulfil your wish, angel i made
one becomes two, looking in a mirror
one smiles, while the other will leer
it will end one day
but until then, take care, i pray...
dark kamui

How can we ever thank you enough?
How can we ever say goodbye and laugh?
We will miss you!
There's no denying that it's true
Sharing the joys and the tears
Fufilling the aims we all share.

4 years is a long time
You chose to spend with us
4 years enriching lives
Knowledge passed on to us [x2]

Campfires and camping skills galore
Riding through the tough times
Knowing we'll soar
You helped us to achieve
Guiding has bonded us all
Sharing the joys and the tears
Fufilling the aims we all share

4 years is a long time
You chose to spend with us
4 years enriching lives
Knowledge passed on to us [x2]

How can we ever thank you enough
How can we ever say goodbye and laugh
We will miss you
We will miss you~

finally! got the lyrics to the sec 4 farewell song that the sec 3s sang for us. kudos to ali, ren, becky and sam who wrote them. damn touching. as well as becky with that great melody. i wonder if i can have the score sheet? *wonders*

getting lazier and lazier. prelims are just round the corner and i'm not bursting my brains studying. ok, so maybe i am doing a little studying, but i'm slacking most of the time. and getting sick now. after this, i hafta take a short nap, if not, i'll fall asleep reviewing physics.

jingfang gave me a poster today... fuuma and kamui... damn nice... so that brings me back to what the hell happened to the present gladys was supposed to give me? i'm not sure, since she has lots of tests so i can understand... hacking out ur lungs is no fun. really.

i am so going to die for maths. can anyone even understand? or is it only me? coz i'm wondering if i'm the only one who's so blur at maths.

'O's eng oral today, not bad lar, still can... but the convo... tell me about a speech you heard... and the only thing that popped into my head at that particular moment was the farewell speech ms gwee gave at the end of our farewell. apparently, amanda said the same thing. lucky thing i was before her. but what if wee min who was after me also did the same thing? then it would have been 3 people in a row saying the same thing. ack!

very tired of everything. i already know the answer. there's no need to even bother to ask right? stupid me... have to study so much for tml... wan to die...

had farewell on friday, right after school. so heavy lor, had to bring my sleeping bag and all the presents since we had a sort of camp thingy. went to east coast and had a bbq, so fun. but we always seem to have too much food, and in order to finish it, we had to practically stuff it down our throats... but had fun playing with the sand and stuff. me and glad, haha, went down to the waters and screamed we love yuuto and kamui, respectively.

during the farewell items, my eyes started to fill when the sec 2s started their item, and then tears really overflowed when the sec 3s sang. it was quite bittersweet. and then we couldn't really cry out since we had to perform our item after them. since the CLs wanted to announce the promotion results at exactly midnight, we still had 7 more mins to go. so we requested the items be shown again. and the floodgates opened again. ms gwee tried to tkae pictures of our crying faces. -.- the CL's Rebecca Lim. damn good choice. then we kept on taking pics, the new leaders and the old ones. present exchange was really a mad rush, so i couldn't take the time to go and really read them until i got home. and then when i DID read them, i cried. all the memories. good times and bad. it just flowed...

thanks again to my patrol for the great gifts and letters. truly touching.

thanks to glad for the great birthday present. we'll definately remain frens forever.

spent the night talking with gwen, rebecca lim, and tze wei, quite fun. gwen had such a cute rabbit! i think i only had a total of 3.5 hours of sleep. promotion ended quite fast, so we were released at 9. for the non leaders that is. even the old leaders had to stay back for out last COH. rushed home, had tuition, nearly nodded off... then rushed for hillsong concert. it was amazing. awe-inspiring.

hmph. how dare she? how dare she say i'm throwing a trantrum? so, what if i am? i'm not entitled to? actually, come to think of it, this is one of the few times i'm actually pouting. as in, yy says i pout, but i dunno when i'm doing it. but now... let's just say that i know what i'm doing. sure as anything.

dunno what i want for my birthday. still haven gotten the vcd yet. interview with the vampire. so shi bai. but nvm, going to get the linkin park cd but not sure if i got the chink chink for it. not fair lor, i have to save like for so long... do i always seem broke to you? i'm not. i just cant afford a lot of things.

and i'm washing my hands off that matter. i dun care anymore. i'm not even going to think about it. once a month. that's all i get. i'm not a patient person, and contrary to my popular phrase of "patience is a virtue", i rarely practice what i preach. i'm not going to wait around like i've got nothing better to do. it's not my loss. i'm sick of this.

i think i need to stop trying to find ways to slack off work or something. spent the whole day sleeping it away, awaking only to mumble a fact on the rise of venice. seriously, i didn't expect to be so tired after yesterday.

fluid fusion was pretty good. but we arrived rather late. see, benita and dorothy were buying waffles. i wanted one too. but then, when i saw that the queue was so long, i decided against it. but benita said that since we were already in the queue, we might as well ge tthe waffles. but it took so long. as waffles always do. X( then gladys kept on calling me to tell me that i better hurry up and get there as she couldn't save seats for us. i think she could have, since there were many people there who were saving seats for their friends. what a cheat. managed to get there at 7.40. not too bad, but couldn't find 4 seats in a row. had to split up. you do your own thinking on how we split up. peter suggested we take the seats at the balcony there. it was even closer to the stage than wherever gladys was sitting. wanted to save seats for yy but people took it. X(

left early... and walked all the way back to kallang mrt... btw, is there such a thing as an NDP sweeper? i'm finding it extremely hard to believe. well, too bad, gotta leave out some details.